


Aftermath

by TheGnomeThief



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Hinted eruri but it's not explicit, Post Battle of Shinganshina District, Pre-Time Skip, Season 3 spoilers if you haven't finished the anime, angsty, up for reader interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGnomeThief/pseuds/TheGnomeThief
Summary: The city had come alive. Nowhere in Trost was there a calm street or an empty bar. The sun had set hours ago, yet that seemed to deter no one from cutting the celebration short. And really, Levi supposed, there was reason for them to celebrate. The pissants of Trost, and the Maria refugees stuck in the city, saw Maria as the greatest frontier the world could offer, but Levi knew better.And it was precisely because of this knowledge Levi wasn’t among the population celebrating, but instead he was sitting on Wall Rose overlooking the celebrations, lantern lights, and laughter.Playing god had a high price to pay, but he paid it. And now he had to live with that choice.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Levi, Levi & Erwin Smith
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Aftermath

The city had come alive. Nowhere in Trost was there a calm street or an empty bar. Every stool was occupied and the streets were flooded with families celebrating. Groups of people were laughing and drinking together as they stumbled their way from bar to bar, only to stop and talk with other happy wanderers. Most of the people out were adults, family men who had finally caught a break and mothers with something to weep in joy for. There were children too, scuttling about in packs soaking in the excitement pouring from the adults like sponges. If one were to look close enough, teenagers could be seen slipping through the crowds and into bars, looking to bum a drink in the chaos and get into some trouble. The barkeeps sent them away with a wave of the hand even though they had smiles on their faces like the rejection tasted just as good as ale on this one night. The sun had set hours ago, yet that seemed to deter no one from cutting the celebration short. And really, Levi supposed, there was reason for them to celebrate.

The reclamation of Wall Maria was a cause for celebration. For most it meant the possibility of returning home, returning to normal, of new possibilities. Maybe for some particularly astute individuals it meant the biggest reclaimed territory from the titans in human history. No matter what they thought they knew, Levi was aware the maps had just gotten a whole lot bigger if Grisha Jeager’s journals had even a spec of truth to them. The pissants of Trost, and the Maria refugees stuck in the city, saw Maria as the greatest frontier the world could offer, but Levi knew better. 

And it was precisely because of this knowledge Levi wasn’t among the population celebrating, but instead he was sitting on Wall Rose overlooking the celebrations, lantern lights, and laughter. 

Hours earlier, right after snatching some ODM gear he probably shouldn’t be using in peacetime and the biggest bottle of bourbon he could find, Levi had stood on Wall Rose facing the reclaimed territory. The sun hadn’t quite set, so the swaths of land stretching to Wall Maria were bathed in golden light. The daylight settled on his skin like fire and left his nerves exposed. 

Facing Maria proved to be too heavy for Levi so he’d sharply turned his back on their new beginning and roughly sat on the edge of Wall Rose towering over the celebrations. He could feel Maria’s presence behind him the way a thief feels eyes witnessing their indiscretion. Maria weighed on Levi’s shoulder’s, a painful, oppressive being, who felt more like blood soaking through his shirt than arms curling around him. She towered over Levi the way he towered over Trost. 

It was her looming cruelty that made Levi uncork the bourbon bottle and pour a couple fingers worth over the edge of the wall before chugging his own amount. The smell stung his nose as the liquor blazed through him. He set the bottle on the stone with a cutting noise. He only ever had drunk alcohol with Erwin, the both of them being heavyweights that could only achieve a slight buzz, but it was a buzz Levi would take over cold sobriety tonight. 

Playing god had a high price to pay, but he paid it. And now he had to live with that choice. 

Levi never considered himself a godly man, but he thought gods had a heavy burden to bear when deciding who lived and who died. Did Maria ever feel crushed by her choices? He wasn’t sure gods could make mistakes. They had a clear understanding of fate and a certainty to their decisions that Levi could never hope to match even in the moments before disaster when he knew exactly what the right move was. Levi was nothing more than a vulture scavenging off the god’s abilities, driven by desperation.

But even he can’t deny the serenity there was to his decision. Regret helped no one, so all he could do was make peace with the choice he made, silently raging the choice had to be made at all. The Scouting Legion was reduced to nine members, and while that made plenty of work for those remaining in the future, it was now a time to mourn for those who died to reach this point. A time to mourn the dead while the city celebrated the fruits of their gain. 

Levi was left to ruminate on his thoughts until the bottle was emptied by a third and the rush of gas reached his ears to alert him of a new presence on the wall. They landed with a thud on the stone and Levi could hear their footsteps, hesitant but strong, nearing him. Their gear clunked against the wall with a grating sound as they sat beside Levi. 

“Captain,” they said with a resolution that told Levi he wasn’t avoiding conversation tonight. 

“Armin,” Levi answered back. 

They sat in silence, a heavy, suffocating silence as Levi continued drinking to take the edge off, perfectly content to wait for Armin to spit it out. When he remained silent, Levi looked at him from the corner of his eye. The kid was twitchy, obviously lost in his own thoughts while trying to work himself up for what he really came to do. Armin was all quiet contemplation with a steal conviction, but courage wasn’t his greatest strength and neither was decision making.

After minutes of sitting in silence, Levi had worked his way to halfway through the bottle, Armin spoke. 

“Why me, sir?” Armin was staring at the festivities below, but Levi turned to look at his subordinate before even trying to formulate an answer. The liquor wasn’t making this deliberation any clearer. 

“It’s just…the Commander is – was – the logical choice, sir. He was an exceptional commander, someone who truly made a difference and turned the tables against the Titans because he was resourceful, cunning, and devoted. It felt like he had the whole war planned out and was leading us right to victory and I can’t do that. The Commander was of greater strategic value so why did you choose me?” 

Armin still had his eyes trained onto the celebration under their feet.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Levi asked. Armin’s eyes snapped up to meet his, widening at the implications of his previous statements.

“Of course not, sir, I just figured there had to be some kind of reasoning behind your decision.” Levi could tell exactly why Armin was here, and he knew anything he could say to Armin that had any measure of truth to it would only disappoint the kid. 

“I didn’t choose you, Armin. You think because you lived and Erwin died it means I prioritized you over him, but that’s not true. I didn’t save you, I cursed you. I put the weight of the world on your shoulders and now you have to live with that weight trying to crush you. You need to master the Colossus Titan and quick because the minute it controls you is when you’re going to become to great of a risk to live. My choice put a target on your back. You’ve got one hellish path in front of you and I’m the one to blame for it,” Levi said, and then he stopped for a second, letting Armin absorb while he himself took another long drink of bourbon. 

Maybe the liquor made his tongue looser, but Levi continued, “Erwin was a brilliant Commander, but he sold his soul to humanity when he took that position, and anything good left in him that hadn’t been purged by playing God would have died in Grisha Jeager’s basement if he’d gotten that far. Erwin wasn’t even supposed to be on that expedition, but he just couldn’t stop, not when he was so close to the only thing he cared about. He’d suffered so much already and he didn’t deserve to suffer as the Colossus Titan.” Levi took the last swig left in the bottle and slammed it down with a sharp noise that cut through the air, the bits of gravel on the wall grinding under the glass. As he watched the civilians drink merrily, he saw a couple wrapped in each other and cups of beer in their free hands, trying to kiss through their smiles, and Levi was overcome with an emotion he didn’t dare put a name to. “I couldn’t do that to him.”

Sufficiently tipsy and unwilling to look Armin in the eyes, Levi fell back so he was lying on wall staring up at the sky. Most of Levi’s life was underground where the world was shadowed and limited. Instead of a sky, Levi grew up with a ceiling, clearly distinguishing how large the world was for people like him. It wasn’t until Erwin pulled him from the Underground that he fully understood how big the world was, with a sky that could stretch forever. Erwin let him free outside the walls to true freedom, made him feel sunlight on his skin. Now, he understood that the light exposed every mistake with violent precision.

Realizing he could be sitting next to his latest mistake, Levi turned his head to face Armin and saw that his expression had twisted into something ugly. Armin took a deep breath and steadied himself before he asked in a tight voice, “May I speak openly, sir?” 

“Fuck formality, Armin, spit it out.” 

“I hate you right now. This is the second time I’ve been made a murderer on your watch. I thought if I knew your reasoning then I could rationalize my way out of this anger, but I see I overestimated you, Captain. The Colossus can’t help anyone the way the Attack Titan can, it only destroys things and kills people. You made me the military’s mercenary based on a feeling.” Armin was breathing heavily after he finished, but he refused to look embarrassed by his blatant disrespect and that earned him some favor in Levi’s eyes.  
“I don’t care if you hate me, it just makes it easier to cut you down if you lose control,” Levi replied. 

Levi made his bed when he gave Armin the injection and while he didn’t regret that decision, Levi still understood the consequences of his choice. Armin had suffered enough at Levi’s hand already and this was only the beginning. 

“I could have let you die, Armin. I didn’t need to inject you. I could have saved it for an individual I saw as a better fit for the Colossus, but I didn’t. Do you know why?” Levi was expecting an answer, but he waited until Armin was looking at him before continuing, “Erwin got us far enough to identify the enemy, the true enemy, but he never had a plan for after that. He wanted to know why we were fighting, but I don’t think he ever planned to live long enough to make a strategy to end the fight. He never could envision a world where we weren’t at war, but I heard you and your little friends before the expedition talking about seeing what’s out there. Seeing the ocean and ice…I realized you don’t have a plan that will end the war, but you saw a life where it was over. You could see the beginning of an era where Erwin only ever saw the end. Now that we have a clear understanding of the enemy, we can finally work towards ending the war. So, if you need to hate me for making you lead the way into that future, do it. Hell, I don’t think Eren has anything left but hate to drive him and it’s gotten him this far. Our job now is to do everything we can to finish this as soon as we can, so do whatever you need to get the job done.”

They stewed on that declaration in silence, but Armin had melted from his earlier anger to now slouch over himself. Levi always thought Armin’s heart was his weakness and he had a feeling that being angry only exhausted Armin instead of fueling him. But Levi was still his commanding officer, and knew fostering that empathy was what they needed in someone who carried as much power as Armin did now. 

“Armin, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you could handle it. You’re the only one who can make sure my decision wasn’t a mistake.” 

Armin gave a sad laugh at that and ran his hands over his face. He stared at the crowd below them, then turned to look at Levi. His stare was an analyzing one, seeing Levi in far more clarity then Levi wanted exposed. 

“I’m sorry about the Commander.” 

“Don’t be. He wasn’t the man I knew in the end.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I finally binged SNK season three and had to write this. I don't read the manga so if there are any inconsistencies in my information please let me know, I'm trying so hard to stay away from spoilers so I really have no idea what's going on past the anime. Also please comment or drop a kudos, they are my lifeblood and fuel me through college!


End file.
